How To Handle Envy Without Ruining Your Blowout
I’ve always noticed myself to have just a little bit of envy. The first time I felt it? Seven years old, seething in my tiny school chair over my classmate who had all the C’s- charisma, charm, confidence. Basically, everything I didn’t. He was effortlessly cool (well there’s another ‘C’ he’s in), the kind teachers so clearly favoured, and classmates followed like he was the messiah of recess. Meanwhile, I sat there, wishing I had even half his spotlight, feeling a slow-growing resentment that was only made worse by the fact that he was nice. Which, frankly, pissed me the fuck off.
The second time? More recent, more painful. An on-and-off friend casually dropped that she’d be moving to LA for college, fully funded by her parents. That was a real kicker. I felt my stomach twist in ways I really shouldn’t have, because good friends are supposed to be supportive, right? They’re supposed to cheer you on, not secretly wish they were in your shoes. And yet, there I was, battling the guilt of knowing my first instinct wasn’t joy for her- it was why not me?
From there, I became hyper-aware of every little envious moment. When the guy on campus had the Coach tote I’d been eyeing for months. When I walked past someone my age with the kind of biceps that made sleeves optional. These moments of envy flickered in and out, never lingering, but always there. And that’s when it hit me- envy isn’t the villain we make it out to be. It’s not the monster under the bed. It’s just…part of being human. The real question is: how do we handle it without letting it ruin our confidence, our friendships, or (most importantly) our fabulous sense of style?
1. Figure Out What You’re Actually Jealous of.
It’s rarely about the thing itself. My childhood jealousy wasn’t about the classmate- it was about wanting to be seen. My reaction to my friend moving to LA wasn’t about her move, it was about feeling stuck in comparison. Before spiraling, take a step back and ask yourself: What is this really about? Because once you name it, you can start doing something about it.
2. Let Envy Motivate, Not Destroy.
Envy has two settings: destructive and productive. The first makes you bitter, the second makes you better. Instead of sulking over someone else’s win, ask yourself how you can work toward your own. If it’s a dream city, start researching about how you can make your move someday. If it’s a killer bag…well, time to start saving. The point is, let it push you forward, not hold you back.
3. Romanticize Your Own Life.
Someone else’s life always looks shinier from the outside. But the truth? No one shows their failures, insecurities, or shares about the days they feel like a fraud in their own success. So instead of fixating on what others have, start making your own life feel cinematic. Buy yourself flowers. Walk with the confidence, even if you’re just going down the block to the convenience store for a tub of yogurt. Make your coffee feel like it’s brewed in a Parisian café. Your life is already happening- might as well make it feel like the main character moment it is.
4. Keep It Cute, Keep It Classy.
The worst thing envy can do? Make you that person- the one that can’t be happy for others. If you need to vent, fine. But do it once, get it out of your system, and move on. The key to handling envy is believing- truly believing- that your day will come. And when it does? It’ll be so worth the wait.
Envy, I’ve realised, is kind of like an uninvited plus-one at a party. It shows up unannounced, drinks all your booze, and whispers unnecessary commentary in your ear like “Look at him, effortlessly charismatic- must be nice.” But instead of letting it ruin your evening, you have two choices: kick it out dramatically (exhausting) or acknowledge its presence, let it sit quietly in the corner, and remind yourself that you are still the main event. Because at the end of the day, envy might linger- but you’re the one holding the mic.