A Round Table Discussion on Why Men Ghost
Why do men beg for a chance, only to disappear the moment they get one?
It’s a dating phenomenon as old as the Nokia flip phone: a man pursues, pleads, and performs grand emotional acrobatics to prove he’s worth it, only to vanish the moment he gets a yes. One day, he’s in your messages with Shakespearean devotion, and the next? He’s quieter than a church mouse in witness protection.
At first, I thought maybe it was just me. Maybe I had developed some kind of rom-com-level selective amnesia and was unknowingly scaring men away. But then, after one too many brunches with my girlfriends—who were all experiencing the same disappearing acts—I realized something. This wasn’t personal. It was a pattern.
The Thrill of the Chase
Men, it seems, are addicted to the chase. The high of the pursuit, the thrill of the hunt—it’s all very National Geographic. They romanticize the idea of conquering a heart, but the moment that heart is handed over? Suddenly, the game loses its appeal. It’s like ordering a five-star meal and then deciding they weren’t that hungry after all.
And let’s talk about the theatrics. The grand speeches, the relentless texting, the "I would do anything for you" declarations—it’s as if some men think dating is a Broadway audition, and once they land the role, they’re ready to ghost the production entirely. It’s exhausting, and frankly, the Academy should consider adding a Best Actor category for this brand of male performance.
But perhaps the real issue isn’t just their need for pursuit—it’s that some men don’t know what to do once they get what they want. Commitment is a different skill set from chasing, and not everyone has it in them to show up after the credits roll. They beg for a chance, but do they really want it? Or do they just want to prove they could get it?
A Lesson in Personal Experience: My Time with Houdini
You know, I thought it was just something in the air. But then, I spent time with a guy I met- let’s call him Houdini for anonymity's sake (you’ll understand why in a moment). Everything was perfect at first- texts were flowing, plans were made, the chemistry was undeniable. But just as quickly as he’d emerged, he vanished into thin air. Poof! It was like I was on the receiving end of a Houdini act (see what I did there?) We went from marathon texting sessions to zero contact- no explanations, just silence. And it wasn’t just me. I started hearing from friends about similar experiences, and I had to ask myself: was this a pattern, or was I just cursed by the ghosts of every guy I’d ever liked?
The Hearings
Curious if this was a universal truth, I decided to ask a few friends for their take. You’ve heard the saying “misery loves company”, but my misery? She’s as desperate for company as a girl who just got ghosted and suddenly believes in astrology.
Jake's Take: The Perpetual Bachelor
“So, tell me,” I said to Jake, my perpetually single friend who’s all too familiar with these disappearing acts. “Why do you think men beg for a chance and then vanish?”
Jake sat there for a second, staring at his phone. “Um, to be honest, I think it's because men, like, like the chase, you know? The idea of… getting someone to like them. It’s, uh, not about the person necessarily, but more about the… getting. Like, they enjoy the attention, but once they get it… I don’t know, maybe they’re like, ‘Okay, now what?’”
“Right, so once they get you, they get bored?” I asked, skeptical.
Jake shrugged. “I mean, not always, but I think a lot of guys like the idea of being wanted. And once you’ve got that, sometimes you realize it’s not actually what you wanted in the first place.
This made me depressed.
Leanna’s Wisdom: The Committed Partner's Insight
Next, I decided to call Leanna, my level-headed friend who’s been in a stable, loving relationship for years. If anyone could shed some light on why men bail after they get what they want, it was her.
“You’ve been with your man for ages,” I said, wanting her wisdom. “Do you think men change once they get the chance?”
I could feel the disgust in her voice “Oh, God, don’t even get me started. I think the ones who stick around are the ones who understand that commitment takes effort. It’s not just about the chase, it’s about being there. But the guys who disappear, it’s like they just weren’t ready for it you know? I don’t know, maybe they thought they were, but once they, like, get what they want, it’s like- what now?”
“Do you think it’s just the thrill of the chase, though?” I pressed.
“Girl no shit,” she replied. “They want to feel wanted nowadays, like they’re the prize. The ones who, like, genuinely care- they’re in it.”
“Have you ever heard any of those grand declarations, though? The ‘I’d do anything for you’ type?”
She responded quick. “Yeah, all the time. But those are the red flags. If the words aren’t backed up with action, then girl it’s just a performance. Don’t get me wrong-those declarations are fun, but, like, show me the consistency, not just the drama.”
Her words hit home.
Conclusion: No Need for Begging
So, my dear readers, the next time a man pleads for your attention like he’s delivering his final monologue in a tragic love story, ask yourself: is he looking for something real, or just another round of applause? Because as I’ve learned from both my time with Houdini and the wisdom of my friends, it’s that the ones who truly want to stay, don’t need to beg in the first place.